SpearitSpeaks

Guidance & Healing

Course Correction

I have decided to share some of my story with you all in order to offer hope and encouragement in your own struggles, as there is always light at the end of the tunnel. There’s lessons in all that we go through, and the sooner we recognize the lessons, extract the wisdom, and choose a new way, we are free. I had to learn the hard way. Will you?

Looking back, there are several points at which this could have all begun. Ten years ago, when I had moved back to a beloved little town I had loved once before, the sh*t really started going down. But, at that time, I was not aware that it was anything more than a necessary course correction. It was horrendously challenging and exhausting, but I accepted it. Nothing was working out for me. My massage business had slowed to a trickle, and the shop I was trying to get off the ground could not be adequately supported on this income. Having jumped into it without any semblance of a safety net, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Stay at my brand new shop that didn’t have any real traffic, or leave it to go into town to work. Driving back and forth from the country to the city everyday, I was constantly running out of gas and getting flat tires, because sadly all I could afford was used tires. I also ended up moving three times in about six months. And, more moves would be approaching for myself and my two cats in the not so distant future. 

The third place I moved was a little slice of heaven. It was a nature-filled oasis surrounding my beautiful live/work space right on the highway running into this same sweet little artsy town. Just after a few short months, I made the very difficult decision to move yet again, because the sub-tenant I brought in to rent the tiny adjoining apartment ended up showing her true colors and shamelessly showcasing her mental illnesses. I just couldn’t endure her hammering on our shared wall at all hours of the day and night any longer. Nor, could I deal with her constantly calling the cops for no good reason. And, listening to her over-the-top pretend phone conversations about me that I couldn’t help but overhear.

From here, I went to live with a long-time friend, whose boyfriend just happened to have moved out recently. Her being allergic to cats and also having a huge dog, my cats and I were allocated to our one room upstairs for eight months all while paying half the rent. This was fun. From there, I went to stay at another long-lost ‘friend’s’ house who had just gotten back in touch with me as I was needing to move. Not even two weeks of living with her, she gave me zero notice that it just wasn’t working out and that I’d have to leave by the end of the day. By this time, I was literally out of energy and did not have the wherewithal to move all of the stuff out that I had just moved in. She said I could come back for them when she got back from out of town. But, I’ll save you suspense and just tell you now that she ended up keeping my two-thousand dollars worth of my last belongings claiming that I had taken stuff of hers. In reality, I had taken a shirt she had given me plus borrowed a basket too carry out my necessities. I simply chose to not deal with it and never spoke with her again.

Thank goodness, my sister and niece who were out of town said I could stay with them for a few months, and they had a key outside I could use. I also went to this ‘friend’s’ church for help, feeling I had nowhere else to turn. She had received and very much abused help from them for a year or two. They were gracious enough to help me for the six or so months I needed while I figured things out. From here, I found and rented an inexpensive garage apartment in a nice area for a year, and this was the first little bit of respite I had had in way too long. It wasn’t perfect, but I sure appreciated it. Then, through another short-lived friend, I was introduced to an old woman who needed a live-in in exchange for little or no rent. So, after some thought, I decided to take the opportunity to live what I thought was going to be stress-free for a while. And, it was for a while. Until I made the mistake of accepting help from her. I’ll leave it at that, and ultimately we were both at fault for the misunderstanding and for how things unfolded from there. It was a great living situation overall, especially for my cats. It was a peaceful, until it wasn’t. I was and am thankful for the experience, but I still have bittersweet memories from that time. It was toward the beginning of me living here that the mystery truly began. I hope you’ll stay tuned for the continued unfoldment in my upcoming posts!

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